Yesterday I watched the “Transformers” movie

And today my goal is life is to hunt down Micheal Bay and punch him in the face for turning this

into the shlock that is this

So, uh, let’s just try to get this straight, shall we Mr. Bay? So in 2008 the Transformers–a large part of my childhood’s fucking foundation, I don’t need to tell you–are some sort of mix of Dune-like scorpions and the Alien poor Sigourney Weaver has to keep killing, all of whom come to earth to look for Shia LaBouf’s (sorry, Shia, I only spell check names of actors who have not ruined my childhood memories) grandfather’s eyeglasses while ducking his parents–because what 10-ton robot without a personality wants to get grounded, you know?–all the while blowing shit up and finally destroying Megatron, who, I might add, is neither funny nor SOUNDS ANYTHING LIKE FUCKING MEGATRON.

You’ll have to forgive me, Mr. Bay, if the above synopsis leaves out anything important because I skipped about 45 minutes of the middle because, well, 90 minutes of unwatchable shit is 90 minutes of unwatchable shit. I don’t think I missed anything important.

In conclusion, Mr Bay, I hate you and want to punch you in the face. Please refrain from making movies about anything else from my childhood. Your terrible movies used to be funny to me. But now the amount of which you suck has become personal.